Conceive

A while back, my friend Kiri called. What I'd not mentioned before, but is relevant to this story, is that we broke up because she realised she was gay. We're still really close, and her and her fiance MJ have a lot of gay friends. She mentioned that a couple she knew were looking for a sperm donor so they could have a baby. They'd described the kind of person they were seeking, and Kiri decided that I could be up for the job. It was a big suggestion, and something I thought about a great deal. I thought about 'fatherhood', and what it would mean in this instance. I thought about having a child that was biologically mine, but that I'd not nurture. I thought a little about morals, and felt that the 'right thing' would be to help and donate. And at the most basic level, I saw this as an opportunity to help by providing a key ingredient, so agreed to meet Bec and Michelle.
And it was great. We were on the same page about everything. I would be an uncle/godfather kind of guy; they'd be very open with the child about where they came from; I'd be the donor, they'd be the parents (on the birth certificate, etc). They're a lovely couple, we were all happy, and agreed to go for it. I made two donations of Baby Magic (he he) for Bec, who was going to carry. I guess we make a good combination, as she's pregnant!
They're hoping for a boy, and are due in June. I knew that I was happy for them, but when I noticed my arms flailing and that I was shouting the news to Fran, I guess it really hit home that I'm a part of something really cool and special. I'll keep you posted.

Ships

So, the rather wonderful Naomi and I broke up. She realised she still had feelings for an ex. I joked that it would be good if there were dials with which you could control how much you felt for someone. We both started off not looking for anything too serious, but it became really meaningful, really quickly. Oh, those dials! We'd also said in spite of what happens, we'd be great friends - which is how it's turned out. It got me thinking about friendships, relationships, all those 'ships'.
It feels really amazing that many of the most special people in my life are ex-girlfriends. Girls that I've dated, spent beautiful time with, and loved. I could tell them 'I love you', then and now. Maybe our time together can't help but flow in to our friendship. Perhaps breaking up isn't *that* bad if it leads to such good things. And how does love differ between 'girlfriend' and 'just friends'? I guess it's some kind of continuous spectrum. Before me lies a whole panel of dials, one for each person in my life. They spin of their own accord.

Experience

Life in Melbourne is going very well, and I've met some really great people. In particular, I've started dating a friend of Kiri's, Naomi. She's fantastic - we went out a few times, and really clicked. It's been heaps of fun, and it's great just spending time together. I think we're 'on the same page' about a lot of things.
Today we met in town. I'd made her a musical mix, and while I lacked equipment to make it tangible (tape player, CD burner etc), hasn't music surpassed physical formats? Isn't it more about the experience, the sound, and how it affects you? With this in mind, we had a Mix Experience. The previous night I'd pasted 15 stars around the city. Each had a track listing, and the location of the next track. I had the songs on my mp3 player, and she listened to each as they were found (I could hear them in my mind). At the end, I gave her a flash drive with all the songs. A really nice way to share music, the city, and each other.

Naomi, enjoying Grayson Gilmour's Loose Change in Degraves Pl

Relate

I work in customer service, as a 'Cinema Attendant' at Rialto. It's a cool job, and I like dealing with people. I often get annoyed when treated like some kind of automaton, and it's surprising when people don't even respond to something personal, something more than 'here's your ticket', because it seems outside the realm of a typical exchange. So of course it's great when customers are personable, and treat you like a person. Customer conversations can lead to respective favourite movies, and much else. It doesn't have to be much, or too deep, but we are all people.
Tonight at work, a man said he was enjoying the music. It was Belle & Sebastian, and one of the big perks is being able to select the music played. He complimented my taste, and said that he always tries to tell people when he enjoys something, which is about a good as rule to live by as any.

Sweetener

As hinted at in this post, I've met a pretty amazing girl, and things are wonderful. Her name is Gina, and things seem pretty perfect. Eamonn played match-maker (in that he shoved us together, and told me she was vegan), and we really hit it off.
It's all been really nice, and I like how things are so natural. Often, I'd start crushing on someone (or fall for a friend), and let it carry on for weeks or months. But this just works, straight away. She is sweet and funny gorgeous and smart.
One of the strangest things I've found is that sometimes, I kind of forget what she looks like, and when I remember, I'm left a little breathless at how pretty she really is.

Kiri

I'm really excited, because one of the greatest people ever (and one of my especial favourites) is coming to Christchurch! Her name is Kiri, and as I've mentioned before, she means more to me than I could ever hope to really explain here. Regardless, here are some thoughts:
We met when I was 17. I was in my last year of high-school, and we started going out.We were together for three and a half years, and so many things happened in that time. I think the biggest one was that Kiri really helped me 'open up', and become the kind of person I wanted to be - I always found it difficult to express myself. A lot of our early relationship felt up and down, but things really worked out, and we lived together for two or so years. She just has the biggest heart, and... I don't really know what else to say. I was just listening to God Only Knows, which really made me think of her.
Together, we experienced: elation, miscarriages, terrible decisions, love, many kittens, caring for a two-year old, making things work from nothing, serendipity, death, wonder, late nights, illness, togetherness. She changed my life in so many ways.
And she's in town for a few days this Sunday. I can't wait.

Urban

It was a Saturday night spent with a pretty girl. She picked me up from work and we walked town. Standing on a rooftop, you could see the lights of the city, and take your pick of which concert to eavesdrop upon. It's spring, and the air was warm and richly fragrant. We avoided the people yelling and lining up for clubs, but were entertained by a possibly homeless man who was drinking, and had been 'on the run from the police for five months'. We explored the art of my favourite alley-way, and I planned my own additions.
It felt like a perfect night, and it makes me feel a little giddy that someone so wonderful could come so out of the blue.

Experimental

On Tuesday morning I partook in a psychology experiment. It was called First Impressions and Romantic Relationships, and basically you met a stranger of the opposite sex (heterosexuals only, apparently) and spoke with them for 10 minutes, before evaluating them. It was like an academic speed-dating, and was... an interesting experience. I met a girl called Sarah. I don't think we hit it off - different kinds of people and all. It felt a bit odd I guess, knowing that there was the pretense of possible romantic chemistry, in a lab setting.
The whole thing was filmed, and then you were required to watch footage of yourself, and recall 10+ moments when you thought or felt something, and write it down. Then, you were given some times when your partner felt something, and you had to guess, or intimate what they felt after watching them in the recording. It was incredibly tricky.
Her first 'feeling' etc was at 0:14, just after we'd shaken hands. I think she looked really disappointed. Towards the end though, she did call me 'a really well rounded young man', which sounded awfully patronising.
All in all, a bit of a lark, and I received a $20 mall voucher. I'd assumed I'd meet the girl of my dreams, but I suppose the search continues.

You, and you

I enjoy writing this blog, and I hope you enjoy reading it. A few readers have told me how positive and happy it seems, and as it's a reflection of real life, that's how many people also describe me. I know that that's the truth, but I do find it a bit strange. I'm happy, but feel a bit weird being known as this really happy person. It's certainly not a bad thing, I'm just not too sure how to accept such praise.
At the same time, it feels like some of my favourite people are unable to see how amazing they are. It's so sad (and inexplicable) when I find out that someone I really care for and admire has such a low sense of self esteem. That they're unable to see all the special things in them is surprising, and feels like quite a shame. At the same time I seem unable to fully appreciate myself as much as others. Objectivity can be a difficult task. Addendum: In the end, you're probably better than you think. Which is a nice thought.

Things I Love Friday - my bike, Sally

The bike I ride was given to me by my granddad. I'm not sure where he got it from, but it's a Legnano, an Italian brand, and it's pretty awesome. Given how awesome it is, I was pretty stupid to repaint it white (before I learnt of its heritage). I dubbed the bike Sally - you can read of our biggest adventure here.
For the last wee while, Sally had been left a little deflated, as it were. I was using my flatmate Melinda's bike, but finally got around to patching a puncture, and I've fallen in love with Sally all over again. She and I zip along like a rocket

Shorts

I've been studying for exams lately. Surprisingly, procrastination has been almost entirely absent, rather unlike last year. As such, the small occasion of the first anniversary of this blog slipped by with no fan-fare. Happy birthday, blog.
The me doing the studying has been churning along with thoughts aplenty however. When a good thought pops in to my mind, and I'm lacking a pen or paper, I make a draft text message on my phone. The Drafts folder has become quite a reservoir of ideas and incidents. Here are a few (slightly edited to make sense):

Perfection was a curse, a stultifying finality - a quote from Rushdie's Grimus
Sometimes the force would be enough - I don't know what this is about. Star Wars reference?
Live like a balloon. In the world, semi-tangible, detached, floating
Even if your dreams don't come true, it's nice to have something to hope for - affirming/heartbreaking words from someone I love
What is wrong with you? Can't you feel everything?
That's what they do: hearts hope - truth from a friend
Cars sound like the ocean. Eyes show more than a camera. Clouds ripple forever - basis for a blog post a few months back
It's nice when you know you're the happiest, coolest, best looking people in the room - thoughts in a Wellington restaurant

There are plenty more. And some ones which I'll probably expand on in to something more for you to read. How do you keep track of your thoughts?

Deja vu

This afternoon, I listened to some old recordings of my radio show while I worked on a biology project. I got a really strange feeling - a funny mix of deja vu (from sort of remembering what I did say) and familiarity (knowing what I would say).
I had a similar experience over the weekend, where I recounted a lot of my life to Beth. I've not really talked about or 'dealt with' a lot of things that happened in my life between the ages of 18-22, and she was the first person I've given a full run down to. Or at least, as full as I can recall. It was that sense of familiarity again, where parts of your life just drift by, and get brought up when you think about something related to it. It isn't a very linear story.

Wellington. Again

This past weekend I flew up to Wellington and spent four wonderful days there. It was quite impulsive; I missed Beth heaps, and the next time I was going to be passing through wasn't until August.
It was so great to see her again. It felt like ages since we'd seen each other. Is ten weeks ages? I think so.
We went to a gig each night, and I was very impressed by all the bands I saw - Mammal Airlines, No Aloha, Seth Frightening, Grayson Gilmour, The Sing Songs, Jordan O'Jordan.
We went swimming in a fancy spa, ate yummo foods, watched some movies, tried to catch leaves, and talked about 'where we were at'.
It felt good, and it feels like things make sense again. On the last day, we sat on the balcony, and watched the sun set. It felt like a fitting analogy for the whole trip.

Relationships

"X loves her and she loves X, but they're in different cities and it probably won't work out.

Y loves him, but he doesn't love her, and that sucks.

Z doesn't love anyone, and no one will love Z, and that's the way it will always be."